journal

words i speak through my steady closing throat

what would you say to someone you love? in their time of need? what would you say to them if they couldn’t feel their body in the way that you knew it was meant to be felt?

you could never be ugly, you could never be ugly, you could never be ugly

you are literally made of stars, every poet since the dawn of time has said so


you will wax and wane and it will always be perfect 


i’ve met myself a thousand times and will meet them a thousand more

every meeting is murky and bright like the time before, but steadily growing in clarity over time

i am trying, i am TRYING to relearn what beautiful is

but i keep running into blockages

maybe the greatest battle of life is fighting the evil of misconstructed definitions

i heard of someone who worked as a dictionary writer 

imagine dictating the truth page after page in hundreds of books

sometimes i get a sense that my throat is closing up and i’m about to suffocate

then i live in the feeling for months

the only respite is my own voice saying: you’re not failing

i don’t believe anyone else who says it

you could never be ugly you could never be ugly you could never be ugly

spit that word out of your mouth


Lennox Bishop1 Comment